Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
