I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
