you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sext me about skeletons
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
