There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I wear drunk well.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize