so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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