he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
