Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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