Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
