were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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