i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
