the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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