If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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