I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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