i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
