3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
