I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
