Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Did I show you my penis last night?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
