we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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