so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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