went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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