this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
