You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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