I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
