i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
