If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
