Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
