Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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