I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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