I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
