I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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