how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
