Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
