dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
