I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize