Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize