my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize