He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
