Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
