Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
