Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
