dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
