I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
