when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
