You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
