They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
