im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
