when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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