I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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