John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
