is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize