Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
