i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
