I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
