my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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