can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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