at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
