some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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