now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
