im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
