Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
