My nipple is on Facebook.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
