Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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