your parents love me but you hate me
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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