What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
