so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
and she was petting her beer can
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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