she smelled like a LAN party
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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