we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
