he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
