Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
