Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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