I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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