I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
