remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
