i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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