wanna go halves on a baby?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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