I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
