she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
