I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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