69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
