I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
