the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
