god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
