come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
