Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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