Can i not drive my cunt home
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
