So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
