you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
