Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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