The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
