I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
