Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
