we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
