last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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