Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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