drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
