i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
