It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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