I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
