On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
