im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize